Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Wandering Retired Love

I have been very blog negligent for several months and I apologize. Thankfully, my few loyal followers know better than to think I took a leap off the mountain during that trip I was so dreading in my last pitiful little blog. In fact, the amazing journey to the mountain peaks of Colorado did me a world of good. It took me a little while longer to really bounce back from the summer boy; but a few tears, a little irritation, lots of wine and friend time, and a kiss from a crush and I was on my way to moving forward to better things.

Then in the last few weeks, my dating world has me laughing hard in both good and ridiculous ways. I don't even know which story to go into first. I guess I'll start with the one that started off fairly normal. I met an old guy friend out one night for and met one of his friends, "Tim". We had a chance to talk just the two of us and hit it off. Originally, I was expecting a quick drink with my friend, so I went straight from working out, very casual, so it was flattering when Tim asked for my number.

Our mutual friend then practically wrote a thesis explaining the finer points of the guy. I had asked for his take on Tim but still was impressed at the obvious high regard he had for his friend. Sigh, I should have known better, right?

Well about a week later Tim and I met for a drink. Great conversation, good wit, fun time. I hoped to do it again. Then we had a holiday so it was another week until we could make plans again. But we decided on a week night date, no prob.

This is where it gets odd. You see Tim, is in his mid-thirties, never married and currently retired. This could be a good thing - looking for a career with more meaning and obviously has planned and saved so he can actively make this choice. I was hoping it was a sign he must have his act together.

Well, this retired thing apparently makes one rather forgetful and the date of our date came and went and I heard nothing from Tim. Not a call, not a text, not an email, not a letter, not a telegram. I.had.been.stood.up. I know dates flake out sometimes with something lame - I've had it happen at least once. But never not heard a single word or excuse. It seemed really out of character for the man I had received such praise about. And it was actually out of character, because he called the next day and obviously thought it was the day before.  Can we say buy a calendar? After a good round of apologies and groveling from Tim, we made another plan for dinner in a few nights.

So last night, we went to dinner and it was nice. Again good conversation and banter, intelligent and funny. Then he told me about what he was doing in five short days. Moving out of his apartment, leaving Dallas, and traveling for several months to visit relatives around the country while he figured out the next phase of his life. Why are we having a second date exactly?? Good Lord.

Thankfully, I was only feeling lukewarm about him so it wasn't a big loss but I just didn't get it. Especially when he didn't seem to want the date to end, he kept asking me to get another drink and hang out more (and no girls, he was not smooth enough to think he was going to get somewhere with me). Nah, don't think so, no need for a nightcap for me. Good luck with your journey Tim, thanks for drinks and dinner and let me know if you make a pit stop in Dallas some time.

On to the next adventure.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010


Nevermind, after 3rd date, 4th date, 5th date and on.... love does suck after all. I haven't blogged in awhile - because I was, you know, soaking up that 'new relationship' fun and not wanting to jinx it. Guess that didn't matter. Wish I understood men or could just find that one good one! OK, feeling too grouchy and sorry for myself to lay it out right here. I am getting out of town today to climb mountains in Colorado over the weekend. If this group trip wasn't already in the works I wouldn't be up for it right now but hoping it will give me fresh air, a fresh outlook and whatever else will help me get back to my normal self.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

It's Seriously Already Time for Another Wedding Shower??

Today I'm on my way to possibly my 999th wedding shower. I truly love that friends and family care so much about each other to honor our loved ones at such important points in life. But if you are a single girl, over thirty and in particular, if the shower is for a bride who is younger, I think you should get a  free pass on shower obligations. I've got the card, got the gift, but Lord, please don't make me play a shower game today. You may judge me as unkind or selfish, but I'm just saying - single girl 30+ pass.

In my last post earlier this week, I mentioned two words that are even more daunting than wedding shower - set-up date. Soooooo, I had the set-up and those are not such scary words at all any more. Really good first date and second date two nights later! Yes, this time the leap of faith for love did not end in weird racist comments, cheap tipping, or any siblings attending the date with us. We will see what happens on date tres this weekend. That is some progress people!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Two of the Scariest Words to a Single - Set.Up.

I have another set-up in my path this week, more specifically this evening, in about an hour. It all started innocently enough with an email from a casual friend, who wrote straight to the point - "Are you seeing anyone? I have a guy I want you to meet." Turns out she had already talked to him about it and even shown him my photo and he was interested. The description she gave me of him sounds overall really good.
She works with him and doesn't have a photo for me, but for some reason that isn't causing me to freak out too bad. It is nice to see a photo before but in truth, it is the in-person chemistry that matters way more than a headshot.
I have only been on one other completely blind date and that boy's last name was Nuermi and he brought his brother and sister along on our date. Seriously. That was my first set-up ever and frankly I'm a little surprised that I ever agreed to another one, but indeed I have. Since I've been in Dallas I've had several good-intentioned but very misguided set-ups. Yet I keep coming back for more. Somehow, I continue to feel a little pleased when someone wants to set me up; and then a little stomach knot of uncertainty. This latest one seems promising to me. Who knows why - but I'm wearing my lucky horseshoe necklace tonight just in case.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Putting Yourself Out There

Sometimes you must take a leap of faith (or maybe insanity) in life, especially in the search for love. So a few months ago I took it as a hopeful sign when I wandered onto a friend's facebook page and noticed a link to a new dating site. And I took that leap. The setup for the dating site is you meet someone from the company and they set you up on 12 blind dates selected for you specifically. They also host periodic singles mixers.

Let's call set-up number one, Dan Denver. He was a local down-to-earth man, little older than me, never married, good job and education. Sounds promising. We met for drinks and within minutes I learned about his undying love for football, especially Dallas Cowboy football. Living in Dallas for the last ten years this does not bother me in the least, I'm much more of a football fan now than ever before. What came out of his mouth next did shock me - he told me that "Jerry Jones is ruining the Cowboys by trying to attract all the Mexicans to be fans - they now outnumber the original Cowboy fans." Uh hello. How and why would someone say something like that, especially on a first date with a complete stranger?? I really didn't know what to say since our drinks had barely arrived. For all he knew, I'm Hispanic - which I wish I would have just told him that to see if he even realized he had been offensive. I have a feeling he wouldn't have picked up on it. He went on to insult the school district I work for because - you guessed it - the majority of our students are Hispanic. With the second remark, I definitely knew we were not making plans for another date.

Finally the kicker, the bill comes for our drinks and appetizer. We both get out our wallets and he politely offers to pay for it all. Then after getting out his card, he hands me the bill and says he is not very good at figuring the tip, how much should he do? Seriously, you really want me to see the tab on two glasses of wine and cheese that badly. Good Lord. I should have told him to tip 100% - I bet he would have been able to do his own math then. Sadly, he apparently thought the date went really well and wanted to do it again - I did not take him up on the offer.

Now back to the dating service, yes they interview everyone they set-up and based on that, they match people they see as a good potential match. After seeing they thought Dan Denver was a good match for me, I was disappointed but thought maybe the first mixer would be better. Yikes. I can't even really explain how many strange, random people there were. The very first man to approach me had to be in his sixties, long white beard, easily over 300 pounds and using a cane. He asked if I liked sci-fi and then went on to tell me about how only about 10% of women really like a unique man like himself. I've long been a believer that everyone has somebody out there but I do not fall in his 10%. I did talk to one pretty normal guy before leaving so all wasn't a loss, but I was ready to get on out of there. Wow.

Needless to say, I was feeling less than positive about the whole experience at this point. I talked to the company and gave them my feedback and was assured that there had been more potential matches when I signed up; but now all of those men were in relationships. I was actually told that they were "sorry that the men in this age range are so hard to keep single." So it is hard to find single men in their thirties, well that is big news to me - why do you think I'm doing this?? After recovering from the laughter of this insight on dating I decided to give it one more month to see what happened. Absolutely nothing happened. I never got one more set-up, mixer invite, nada. What I did eventually get was my money back after I finally formally requested it due to the company not fulfilling their part of the agreement.

Surprisingly, this entire thing gave me new confidence in a way. I know I'm not a bad catch, I just need to be a little more open to who is out there while remembering I deserve someone who is a good fit for me. When I received my refund check the letter attached said they were "terminating the agreement because they had trouble finding matches for me." At first I felt a sting and thought I might tear up a little and then I thought back to what they had showed me as good potential mates and it just made me laugh. On to the next dating adventure.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Little Birthday Moments

35 for 35

1 the birthday wishes beginning early on April 15th with texts and calls before even leaving home for work
2 opening my parents sweet, sweet card - they are very good to me, made me teary
3 not feeling the slightest urge to cry at any other time on my birthday - see growing older can be painless
4 the arrival of one very special little girl - Catherine Grace McCauley
5 opening my best friend's parents sweet card - nice to have so many parents out there looking out for me
6 having a great time at my co-birthday party a few days early - celebrating all the April 35 girls!
7 having so many other good friends with birthdays within days of mine - what was it about April 1975?
8 having a good friend who was willing to host our birthday party, so we could sit back and enjoy
9 all the facebook birthday messages even from people I've totally lost touch with
10 old-fashioned real birthday cards waiting for me in my mailbox
11 one friend from seventh grade, who i usually goes years without seeing, but she always, always, without fail, mails me a birthday card
12 a friend surprising me at school with pink tulips - single girls are so good about looking out for each other
13 kids at school saying birthday allll day long - I quite possibly heard it 1,000 times this year and I loved it every time
14 feeling a bit like a rock star thanks to all the attention from my students
15 the birthday skinny fairy - isn't it funny how many people take a moment to complement you on your birthday - did i really lose 20 pounds overnight, do people just lie well to make me happy, or did i have a birthday confidence glow that shifted things? hmmm
16 my friends took me out for pizza and wine
17 enjoying my favorite, favorite pizza with feta
18 red wine
19 did i mention i'm doing an insane no alcohol/no dairy/low carb food challenge this month?
20 sitting for hours with the same friends on one of my favorite patios, still enjoying pizza and wine
21 one of the most adorable boys in 3rd grade proudly gave me a classic style no.2 yellow pencil as a birthday gift - can it get sweeter and simpler than this?
22 receiving such thoughtful presents from my friends - i love when i open a present a friend knew was perfect for me
23 and i love having new jewelry to play dress-up with
24 getting messages from my longtime girlfriends across the country
25 the fact that just from my text reply back, one of those friends (now living several states away) knew i was a little tipsy
26 not having time to workout because i have too many fun things to do
27 knowing i'm at a point in life where on a typical day, i actually consider working out as a fun thing to do
28 getting the exact same card from two of my friends - they both know me so well
29 students guessing that it is everything from my 20th to 50th birthday - guess that means I have a look that defies age
30 i love having an april birthday, it means warmer weather is here and summer is oh-so-close
31 being a tax day baby
32 when i finally got home on my birthday night, i had no desire to go to sleep - i just wanted to keep basking in birthdayness
33 wishing i could figure out how to keep the good birthday mojo vibe around the other 364 days of the year
34 still so grateful that my best friend Juli gave birth to a healthy baby girl, Cate, a mere 25 hours before my birthday
35 its not so hard to think of all the little moments that came together for my 35th birthday

Thursday, April 8, 2010

the gas station is not my love station

So here I was thinking the last exciting love connection I was going to make before my looming birthday next week would be an awkward set-up last month. I had no idea one stop at the gas station, post-workout would change all that. Sure sometimes it is nice to be noticed but getting hit on at the gas station. Seriously??
So back to the story, in a short time span of about 2 minutes, two different men felt the need to approach me. OK, the first one was just hitting me up for cash but the second guy, a big muscle guy, came over with the opening line of "So, I came over here to hit on you." Clever and subtle he is not. He then quickly asked for my name, where I had just worked out and if I was single. Yes, I pulled the fake boyfriend card. Who wouldn't? But that didn't deter..."How about lunch as friends? What would the harm of that be?" Quite a bit, I'm sorry to say, my fake boyfriend is crazy jealous. Thank Jesus my gas tank filled up miraculously fast. I did make it into the car before he asked for a number.
And for those who know me, I would not have even considered using a friend's name or worse yet giving out a friend's number as my own. Yea, I've done that more than once - for some reason all through college that seemed like a better idea to me than giving a complete wrong number. Somehow I always thought 'at least they will be calling someone who will nicely tell them they have the wrong number.' I know my friends really appreciated that one, sorry girls!
I do believe in timing and fate playing a part in how I'll meet the right guy, but the fact that he happend to pull up at the gas pump next to me, will surely not be the way it finally happens. But then again, so far, all the seemingly logical ways for it to happen haven't been quite as I imagined. Who know, maybe the sweaty and gross, straight from the gym thing works for me and this needs to start being my going-out look. As for the bad set-up last month, I think that debacle deserves its own posting - to be continued.